|Matchbox 20 - Downfall|
Sooooo, I'm fairly certain I'll be murdered by Liz for talking about this again, but I still feel stupid.
I crashed my dad's car yesterday!
I got my permit on Friday. Mom took me for a driving lesson in the van on Saturday, where I did pretty damn good. I drove around the Bartlet parking lot for a while and then I drove around my neighborhood, and yeah, I think I was doing a great job. And It was fun. Mom told me she'd take me again yesterday, but it was snowing and she freaks out, so my dad took me instead, in the nice, new(er) Element. Once again, I was doing good, doing everything he told me to do. Then he told me to pull up to a concrete block. I knew it was a bad idea. But I did it. I was kind of sideways though, and dad told me to straighten out. So, naturally, I hit the gas instead of the brake.
Dented the fender and cracked the radiator. It'll cost $250 to get it fixed. I know that's practically nothing when it comes to cars, but $250 is a lot of money to me. They aren't making me pay it (none of them were mad at me; in fact, my mom was miffed at my dad for telling me to pull up to a concrete block on my second driving lesson) but still, it's $250 of family money. I feel awful. Urgh.
Hey! I've got over a paragraph for my novel now! Yay! I rule! Hahaha. Yeah. I really need to get going on that. I know a year seems like a long time to get it done, but knowing me, I'm gonna put it off until the last... week. And then it won't be done. And I'll be screwed. So I wanna start now. And get it done with. So I can say I actually finished something longer than ten pages.
Aaaaand I took the geometry test at lunch today. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be. Which means I'll probably fail it. Because I suck. I really hate geometry. It should die. I mean, really. These goddamn proofs, when the fuck are we ever gonna use these?! There is NO reason to drill these 136 theorems (or so) into our brains besides the sick and twisted teachers who enjoy watching our mental breakdowns and burnouts. I will never, EVER use "If a ray bisects an angle, then it divides the angle into two congruent angles" in life. Ever. Besides this fucking ridiculous class. Problem-solving, I get that, but this is some serious overkill.
Okay, now that I got that rant out of the way for the time being.... I think I'm gonna go do my math homework :P
|Girl Anachronism - The Dresden Dolls|
Today was awful.
A general overview?
My friends suck. Troy's a douche. Brad can't aim. My nipple is sore. The world should implode.
But on the plus side, I learned that I'm intimidating as Hell when I play soccer, I made two bowls in art, and I'm figuring out how to start my novel.
And? I never knew just how much loud, angry music could help. And coffee. Coffee's good, too.
Oh, and I got to talk to Jordan. On the phone. For the first time in... forever. We talked all through Ghost Hunters, but I really don't care. Jordan's a much better way to end a day than Ghost Hunters could ever be.
So, it seems LiveJournal and OpenOffice were having a bit of a spat. They just refused to cooperate. So this entry is in a bit of a different format. Hopefully they'll get along better in the future, and I can go back to the regular format.
Meteor (title suggestions very, very welcome)Rating/warnings:
R / course language, drug & alcohol abuse, and probably moreWord count:
2,970Notes: This one was for a Creative Writing Intensive last spring. It was pretty much just written to ease myself back into writing, after a year-long break, but I ended up being quite proud of it.
Welcome and appreciated.
The full poem:
the fifth of November,
the gunpowder, treason and plot.
I know of no reason
why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
to blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
to prove old England's overthrow;
by God's providence he was catch'd
with a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
A penny loaf to feed the Pope,
A farthing o' cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down,
a fagot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar,
burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head,
then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah hoorah!"
I hope Jess comes home soon, so we can watch V For Vendetta together. Because watching V For Vendetta alone on the fifth of November is no fun.
So it's been... pretty uninteresting. As ever. Wednesday was pretty cool. Uneventful, but cool. Ghost Hunters had their Halloween special, and I was up 'til two watching it. It was wonderful. But then I was too tired to go to school on Thursday, and I started to feel pretty sick, so I stayed home Thursday and Friday. I'm really tired of being sick.
By Saturday I got so bored with being home that I did the impossible: I started cleaning my room. Two days later, I'm still not completely done, but I'm getting close. I really want to work on my shelves, but that's helpless. I have so many notebooks.... I need to figure out something to do with them. I want to throw the old ones away, but at the same time, I don't. I dunno why. It would just feel like a waste.
I really need to talk to someone right now. Maybe I'll pull LaRee aside tomorrow and vent to her.... It seems that I have no one to vent to anymore. Everyone has their own shit, shit that's ten times worse than mine, and I feel guilty for venting about these minuscule details when they have their own big problems to deal with. I know that doesn't make my problems any less important, but.... I dunno. I just feel like I can put my problems on hold until they've got the time to deal with me, but the second one of their problems is solved, another one takes its place faster than I can blink. I like being there for my friends; being able to help them, in any way I can, is the best feeling in the world. I just kinda wish I had a minute or two to talk to someone, too.
It's funny, really, that the one person I would normally talk to about... near anything, is the one person this is about.
Well. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm tired as fuck.
So I've been thinking.
I was reading some work on a writing board I'm a part of and I came across this rather insane piece. It was a rant for the most part, random thoughts thrown together and tied up all nice and neat in a way that could easily be pinned as fiction. It was good, very good, and it reminded me more than a little bit of Jordan's work. And there was the problem: the entire time I was reading it, I couldn't stop comparing it to Jordan's writing. I couldn't just sit back and enjoy this story for what it was, I couldn't just get past the little places that I got hung up on, thinking, "Jordan would have made that flow better," or, "Jordan would have amplified that idea more."
And I realized just how much my friends have spoiled me.
Being around all these wildly talented people all the time, it kind of leaves me disappointed in everyone else's talents. I don't think there's a person I'm close to who isn't absolutely wonderful at painting, or drawing, or sculpting, or writing, or dancing, or music, or any other number of things.
Not that it's a bad thing. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm so grateful for all the talented people in my life; they're the people that inspire me and push me to work harder and do better and what I truly aspire to. Sometimes I just wish I could more easily appreciate the really-good-but-not-fabulous pieces of work.
So, a story.Title:
PG-13 / mild course language, violence, death and other dark themesWord count:
I wrote this for a Creative Writing class. Certainly not my best piece of work, but I like it well enough. Latin: Ego dico in phasmatis ut rid orbis terrarum vestrum – I call on the spirits to rid the world of you.
Welcome and appreciated.
|Where I stood - Missy Higgins|
So, this week continues to be rawkin'.
I hung out with Caitlyn at lunch, and that made me happy. And then LPF was actually pretty fun (I'm a freak for thinking so, but whatever). We ran for ten minutes, then did squat lunges, then wind sprints, and then we did volleyball drills. Yeah, I'm crazy. But hey, I feel so much better after LPF, and I think I'm losing more weight, so it's all good.
After school I came home and played Zelda for a while, then did a bit of my homework. And then the fun began.
Jess and I drove over to the Dimond center to see The Exorcist. We went and got food and then wandered for a bit. Right as we were leaving the food court, though, guess who I saw? DRINA!!!! Oh, I was so happy! I haven't seen her since she left! I should invite her to the Halloween party. That'd be fun.
Then we went up to the theater and waited for Maddy and Erik for a while. They were kinda late, and then it turned out they got caught sneaking in, so we didn't even go to the movie. We just went and hung out at the arcade for a while. Then Jess and I drove home and stayed for about two minutes before Kelly called, and we went to go play Payday with her and Ricky. That was pretty fun.
And now I'm here.
I really love this week.
So, I'm gonna go "do homework." As in play Zelda.
So, this week's been pretty damn good so far.
On Sunday, Bryn and I were supposed to meet up at the mall and hang out for a while. But she didn't show up. So I just hung around for a bit. I ran into Maddy and browsed Hot Topic with her for a while. Then Nick came in, and we started talking with him. He had some very interesting news for me. He said Caitlyn likes me. And my heart leapt. *Isn't cheesy at all*
Yesterday, I talked to Caitlyn at lunch and we decided to go for it. So we're going out now! Well, we haven't actually gone out yet, since it's been a day, but we're planning on it. Haha.
And today was pretty great, too. We had a test in Geometry that I didn't really feel ready for, but I think I did pretty good. I did a regular two-column proof instead of the fucking flow diagram like I was supposed to, but oh well. Only two points off for that. No big deal.
And also, guess what?! I'm not on academic probation! Which means I didn't fail my Creative Writing SDL! Yay! I just hope Jennifer put it down as a pass/fail instead of a letter grade, because getting a D in a Creative Writing SDL wouldn't look so hot on my transcripts, either. Although I do want to know what grade she would've given me. I did complete three short stories and an article after all, 30 damn pages, and a book cover. Maybe (hopefully) a B. She probably didn't even notice that I was literally never in class, knowing her.
I walked to Barne's & Noble's with Maddy during sixth period, and that was pretty fun. Maddy got Erik's birthday present and I looked through a bunch of books. They have really cool merchandise there, like notebooks and such. I just wish it wasn't all so expensive. When I get rich (and, of course, I will :P), I'm going to shop there all the time. Actually no, I'll shop at Title Wave all the time, because that's better.
And the dance is on Friday, and the party's on Saturday. This is gonna be a pretty bitchin' week.
I'm bored. So, here. (And my font's red....)
|I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand|
Hmmm. Been a while since I updated.
Not much to say. It's Friday, woot. I've got a lot of work to do. I've finally completed a story for Creative Writing, finally, and I've still got two more to go. I'm kind of freaking out about it. Surprisingly, I think the only good grade I have at the moment is Geometry. How backwards is that? I suppose Reading Fundamentals too, but how could Bob fail me as a TA when I've practically babysat for him on several occasions? I honestly don't know how he can handle being a teacher. I would die.
I'm planning to start making fanvideos. Or, fanvideo. I wanna make a Charmed vid to Fallen by Sarah McLachlan, focusing on Leo and Chris, of course. It works so well. Every time I listen to the song, I play the clips I would use in my head. Now all I need is the episodes and a movie making program. Oh, and an idea of what the hell I'm supposed to do. And talent. Haha.
And I'm kind of writing a Charmed fic. Or trying to. It's pretty much just for fun; it's a horrible plot and I know I could never do the characters justice, but I might as well try. I've been missing big Chris like crazy lately, so I decided to give a Chris-fic a go. It's quite interesting.... Poor Chris, always having to deal with his family's mess.
God, I'm far too easily entertained.
So I just watched Vampire Clan for the first time. That was an awful, awful movie. Just horrible. But the chair thing reminded me of Silent Hill so much, that's pretty much exactly what that part of SH2 was like. And Drew is fucking cute. Rod was certainly nothing like Chris, but God, he's still so cute. His nose! His nose is adorable! I don't think I would like him half as much if his nose wasn't so cute, hahaha. And the freckle. Oh, the freckle. I love the freckle. Hee.
Bryn's going to Connecticut for four days (only two of them are school days though) and I'm gonna be lonely without her. I won't know what to do with myself. That's kind of sad, isn't it? One person is gone for two days and I'm totally lost. *Sigh*
Well, I don't really have anything else to talk about. Trying to write and not die and all that. New celebrity crush, but decidedly no romantic entanglements. That's pretty much the summary of my life at the moment.
There has been a battle brewing inside my head for some time now.
It is a battle between beliefs.
There are two sides in this war, the logical side and the romantic side.
The logical side is telling me evolution is the truth, there is no life after death, there is no fate, there is karma or Heaven or Hell or reincarnation or anything of the sort.
The romantic side... well, it isn't telling me evolution is a lie, but it is telling me there is fate, karma, reincarnation, ghosts. It is telling me to believe in something other than the obvious cycle of life.
And these voices are completely contradicting each other.
I almost hope for the logical side to win out. All my life, while I may not have been the best at math and science, I've been very logical. Or at least, I believe I have. I'm a realistic person. I'm aware that there is an entire section of the human brain dedicated to religion and the like, and if it were to be tied to any other section, it would be fear. I know that. But there's still that part of my brain, telling me there's something more.
But hell, I'm a writer. What good has realism ever done me in my writing? If I were realistic, I wouldn't write Harry Potter fanfiction, I wouldn't write Firefly fanfictions, I would barely write any of the original ideas I have as it is. Maybe it would suit my talents better to just succumb to my romantic side. I just don't really want to release my logical side, I don't, I like being logical. It's nice, even if it rarely does me any good.
Well, no matter which side wins, there will always be those things I still believe in, whether they're logical or illogical. Evolution, for one. I just can't float creationism. There is no God, secondly. I can't quite get into my reasons for justifying that belief at the moment (thanks to the maybe four hours of sleep I got last night), but it's what I believe. Third, there is such a thing as magic. Magic, the supernatural, the paranormal, whatever you want to call it, it's real. There are certain things that simply can't be explained through science or logic, certain things that can't really be explained at all. Many people don't think these things actually happen, that the people claiming it are insane, but for all you logic buffs who don't believe in magic, I'm using your rules. It's basically the opposite of a theorem. There has been evidence that such things do happen, magic does exist, and there is absolutely no way to prove that every case is wrong, or that it doesn't exist in general. So there. Try explaining mind-reading with science.
Well, I'm done.
|"Can we stop?"
|Me, I'm Not - Nine Inch Nails|
Now for a rant that will make no sense.
Oh, God. No. Noooooo. This is not good. Not at all. Argh. Why the hell did she have to say it?! I'd be perfectly fine if she hadn't said it! But now I'm fucked! God dammit! I don't fucking want this! Not in the least! I was happy, I was fucking happy, for once, on my own and liking it. I didn't need anyone. And then she went and said it, and it's all shot to Hell.
And now back to semi-coherence.
I finished my project in one night, and I did damn good. Mwahah. But I totally bombed the test. I was ready for two questions, so naturally I drew the two I didn't know. Grrr. I wrote two small paragraphs of bullshit. I just hope I get a D, at least.
I still haven't done shit for my SDL. I think I've resigned myself to failing it, and it's not even midquarters yet.
LPF is actually pretty fun. We played soccer today, and I actually did good. I blocked it a couple times, and I even got the ball for AJ! Go me! Haha. I haven't played soccer in soooo long, and I certainly haven't been good at it since I started gym hockey. I wanna play again. As long as I'm not playing against Malcolm, because he's craaazy good.
I spent almost all of fourth period (and a good chunk of lunch) sorting things for Bob. It was a looot to do. I feel bad for having to do all of that on his own when he doesn't have a TA. After a while, I got really tired of doing it and Bryn volunteered to help, and then so did Kyla. I love them. Heehee. I was so grateful, if they hadn't helped I probably would've been working on it all through lunch.
There was a rainbow in the sky today! Yay! That made me happy ^.^ Teehee.
We've got an all-community meeting today, but I really don't want to go. I'm fucking tired, and it's all the same stuff we talked about in OP-group, so why should I even bother? They got my votes in OP-group. I guess I should go so I can report back to my counseling group, but I don't think I will. Sitting through lectures and speeches I heard in OP-group, the all-school AND counseling groups, then hearing parents babble on about it for another hour is not my cup of tea. I'd rather just stay home and write.
I have eleven pages on this story. Ugh. Another one of those that I wanted to be short but just wouldn't cooperate with me. I'm only on the fourth scene out of seven, too. I guess I'm more than halfway done, and the other scenes are gonna be shorter than the first two, so it won't be that bad. Still, it's long. I'm gonna need to cut it down quite a bit.
Uh. There's not much more to talk about. I've gotten into Nine Inch Nails. They're cool. Me, I'm Not is one of the best songs ever. It's awesome. I also really like Capital G. Those are pretty much the only songs I have so far, but Malcolm's gonna give me the CD, and I'll be happy.
Okay, I'm gonna go write a bit. Bye bye!
Soooo. Interesting week.
There's friend drama abound, but I don't want to talk about that.
So since the day after the concert.... Quite a bit has happened. Last week, I got sick and was out three days. Thank God it was only the start of the quarter though, and we didn't have much work, or else I would've been screwed. I'm missing a few math assignments, but I'm planning on doing those this weekend and turning them in for half credit. Half is better than nothing.
Mmm.... Okay, it hasn't been that interesting lately. It just seems like it. Haha. Uhm.... LPF isn't killing me so much anymore. We did a ten-minute run on Wednesday, and I wasn't sore at all the next day. And today we did weird exercises, and I suck, but it's really not that bad. Kind of fun, actually. And hopefully it'll help me lose some weight.
I've been busy writing the second version to Chameleon Boy, but now I might have to take a break from that. Until the end of the quarter. I should be working on my SDL. I have to write three short stories in a month, which normally wouldn't be such a big deal to me, but since I have no ideas and no inspiration for anything that isn't fanfiction, it's not going so well. I have, maybe, one third of a story so far. And I have less than a month to go. Grrrr. I need to finish this story this weekend. But that's not gonna happen.
I kind of want to just move to the next story and skip over this one. My next one is kind of cool. They're all based around magic, supernatural, paranormal, or whatever the hell you wanna call it. I'm not gonna say specifically what any of them are about--I'll post them as soon as I get them done--but the second one should be pretty cool.
I wish I were a faster writer. I wish I could be one of those people who could write twenty-five pages in two days. Everything would be a lot better if I could. I could actually finish stories before I lose interest in them, then. That would be nice. Very nice, in fact. I honestly don't see how people write novels. I just don't have the patience.
Okay, I'm gonna go try to write a bit. (I'm really not liking this scene.... Not liking writing it, at least. It reads okay so far.) *Sigh*
First fanfiction post on my LiveJournal. Cool.Title:
PG-13, I suppose.Word count:
Slash, some language, mentions of self-mutilation, nudity, war stories. Not epilogue-compliant, but there are Deathly Hallows spoilers!Summary:
Draco shows Harry his scars. Based off part of Chameleon Boy by Blue October.Notes:
I saw Blue October in concert last week, and I absolutely fell in love with this song. I had to do something with it. So, here it is. I plan write another version eventually, one that would take the entire song into account, but for now, this will do.Disclaimer:
I own nothing, sadly. Neither the boys or the song are mine.Con-crit:
Welcome and appreciated.
So, interesting things.
LPF is killing me already. I can hardly move my left leg. Fun, fun. Well, it wasn't just LPF. Yesterday, save counseling groups and the car ride to Palmer, I was pretty much on my feet from 11:45 to 10:00. But it was mostly LPF.
So after school, Jess came and picked me up, and we went home for a little while before heading to the fair. We walked around a bit, and then Chelsea called and I met up with her and Laura. Then I walked around with them for a long time, and it was fun. We saw a performance by Powerhouse, and that was cool. It was tap dancing, Irish jig and clogging combined with contemporary dance. I enjoyed it. Plus, all three of them were very cute. And the guy was so obviously gay, haha.
The Blue October concert was freaking awesome! It was really crowded (sold out, apparently) and a bunch of tall people were standing in front of us, but that's okay, because it was amazing. I think they actually sound better live, which isn't terribly common in bands. And they aren't one of those bands that's way too energetic either, they just played, they weren't jumping around and acting like idiots. And the music is all I want, anyway.
When I got home from the fair, my laptop wasn't working! Naturally. I can't have a good time at an awesome concert without something terribly annoying and frustrating as hell happening afterward. We took it into CompUSA today, and they said the screen isn't working, and that it would cost more to get a new screen than to get a new laptop. So guess what? I'm getting a new laptop. Already picked one out. A pretty nice VAIO. Dad's gonna go with me tomorrow and look it over, see if it's a good one or not, but I'm fairly certain it is. VAIOs are supposed to be really good.
So I'm still very, very sore from yesterday, and not wanting to move, and I've got a headache that I've had since last night, but I feel pretty good besides that. New laptop, and the computer help guy said they can transfer all the stuff I have on my old laptop to the new one, so I'm not losing anything. Great music stuck in my head, yay. Not much homework. Ideas for stories that I won't post here. It's going pretty well.
So I worked out my schedule, and it's actually pretty cool.
1st: History II with Ken
2nd: Integrated Science with Larry
3rd: Geometry with Jen
4th: Reading Fundamentals with Bob (teacher's assistant)
5th: LPF with Troy
6th: SDL English with Jennifer
I have, like, no classes with my friends, but oh well. I'll be able to focus on my work more. And I really can't afford to not focus on my work this year. But it should be fun. Except math. I have to remind myself that I only have one more year of math, and then I'm done with it, and I won't have to worry about it again. Yay.
I can't wait 'til next year. I'll be fun. I'll have, like, two core classes, and then the rest will be electives. And most of the electives are gonna be English classes. Okay, pretty much all of them are gonna be English classes. I also can't wait because then I'll be taking Government, and since it'll be an election year, that class should be really fun. Hopefully we'll be doing cool things.
Today kind of sucked though. I had a hell of a time working out my schedule, running around like crazy to work it out. I had to talk to Jean about Advanced Comp first, and she said no to my idea of doing it as an SDL because it would be too difficult for everyone, but she gave me some good ideas for an SDL that I think I'll use. (I love Jean. <3) And then I had to go back to Shannon and tell her I couldn't do that, and we worked out my current schedule. Then I had to go ask Bob if he wanted a T.A. for Reading Fundamentals, and luckily he said yes, so that worked out. Then I had to go back to Shannon and tell her that was okay, and then I ran around getting all my teachers to sign the damned form. And all the while, I had a wicked headache. It wasn't fun. Still have it, actually. It's bordering on migraine. And my mom expects me to study the driver's manual right now. I think my head would implode if I tried.
Because my head implodes sometimes.
But good things.... Uhm, I dunno. I talked to people today, which made me happy.
Oh! And I'm going to KILL Max and Bryn! Those bitches ditched me! Or, stood me up, or something like that. We were supposed to go see War yesterday, but neither of them showed up! So I was in the theater alone. Actually, I don't really mind seeing movies alone. I kind of like it. But still. I wanted to hang out with them, and neither of them were there. They're lame. And soon they'll be dead.
But really, War wasn't what I was expecting. I can't decide if I liked it or not.... It was very odd, and I can't decide if it's a good odd or a bad odd. Just... odd. I was hoping for some more Jet Li action. There really wasn't much. And definitely not much that didn't involve gunplay. And I prefer Kung Fu to gunplay any day. Unless it involves Jayne. Although, Jayne doing Kung Fu could be highly entertaining.
You know what I want? I want a fucking parkour movie.
I'm gonna go look that up on YouTube. Because parkour is fucking awesome. (And I'm probably not spelling it right, but I don't care.)
So this week kind of sucked.
Monday, I went to see Paris, Je'Taime, and it was wonderful. I loved it. It was a collection of five-minute love stories, and they were all quite fantastic. Gaspard's part was absolutely brilliant (and very, very funny in a sad kind of way). Elijah Wood's was awesome, and Natalie Portman's was sad but not. Haha. The rest were good, too, but those are the ones that I really remembered. A few others too, but mostly those.
Tuesday, I did... nothing, really. As usual.
Wednesday was the first day of orientation at school, and I really hate orientation. It's so boring, always the same stuff, never anything new. It's mostly for seventh graders, which is good for them, but the rest of us have nothing to do. And we never do anything interesting. Grrr. I loved seeing everyone again, after the entire summer mostly kept to myself, but I could've done without The Rape Talk during counseling groups. Honestly. I've been going to Steller for four years (wow), going out to lunch most of those days, and I've never had a problem. Ever. Nor has anyone I've talked to about it. I'm not saying it's completely impossible, but it's about as likely as... getting raped anywhere else, really. So unless you people want to tell us to never be alone again, shut up!
On Thursday... well, I went to school, but that didn't last long. Mom didn't sign my permission slip to go move shit for Habitats For Humanity, and the dumbasses (a.k.a. teachers) didn't have anything for people who didn't get those signed, so I had to go home. I was supposed to go back at noon, but fuck, you send me home and expect me to come back that same day? Yeah, right. I'm not having my mom drive to Steller FOUR times in a freaking day. But that all worked out fine for me. When she came to pick me up, we went to ACS and got me unlimited texting! Yay! So now I can text as much as I want for four bucks a month. Which is cool.
And then I went home and finally got over some of my writer's block. Hooray. It's been driving me insane.
And today was... interesting, to say the least. Quite interesting. We went to pick up Caitlyn this morning (we were giving her rides to school this week) but she didn't answer the door, and I spent maybe ten minutes ringing the doorbell before finally giving up and leaving. So it was about time to start when I got to school. We had to go to counseling groups first thing, and that was boring. I hardly even remember what we did, besides preparing to introduce the new students to the school. Probably because I was talking to Bryn the whole time. Haha.
Then we had an all-school meeting, during which I texted Bryn, read her story, and played Tetris. I am a highly productive student.
(Okay, I'll say this right now. I'm bitching about school a lot, I know. It's not because I don't like it. I love Steller, in fact. Very, very much. I just hate orientation week.)
And after the all-school meeting, we were supposed to do stupid team-building activities, but none of us wanted to, so we left. Haha. A group of us skipped the activities and walked down to Valley Of The Moon. Which wasn't a terribly good idea, really. Malcolm hit his head pretty hard on the damn rocket ship, and he was bleeding quite a bit. Luckily he didn't have a concussion though, and it wasn't really all that bad, we took one of Jordyn's shirts to stop the bleeding and cleaned it up and all. But everyone else was freaking out about the blood. I felt really bad for Malcolm, mostly because of that. Haha.
Then we went to Arctic for lunch, and after that, we walked to Title Wave, then back to the school. I practically had to wrestle Malcolm into going to the nurse. And then Jenny, Bryn and I waited to see if Malcolm was really okay, while Jordyn and Lisa disappeared. I like that Jordyn didn't stick around to make sure her boyfriend was okay :P
After lunch, I checked over my transcripts and filled out my course sheet, and I was no where near as screwed as I thought I was. Actually, I'm doing pretty well. I've got one more year of English and one more year of math. Still got more science and social studies, but that's okay. The real problem is gonna be my electives, actually. I've got 4.25 credits of electives, and I need 7.5. I guess once I finish my English classes it'll be easy, but still. (It's pretty sad that the toughest part will be getting all my electives....)
So my schedule looks like:
1st: Advanced Comp. with Jean
2nd: Integrated Science with Larry
3rd: Geometry with Jen
4th: PE with Troy
5th: History II with Ken
6th: Government with Ken
But I'm still trying to work that out. Since I'm gonna be taking an actual math class this year, I don't really want to double up on anything else. But it seems I'm getting no other choice. I don't have the time for an open period (for the first time in a long time), and I can't find a way to arrange my schedule for another elective (at least not one I'm interested in), so I might have to take Government.
I dunno. I'll figure it out. I'm gonna have to work hard this next year, though. Really hard. I am NOT going to risk academic probation again. I WILL do my homework and whatnot, even for math class.
Okay, so about something interesting.
I have fourteen pages on this fanfiction, and I'm still not done with the first chapter. I will really need to edit it. A lot. Because this is kind of ridiculous.
So this scene I'm working on isn't going quite as planned, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. For the sake of the plot I'm making a different person that I'd planned originally, and for the sake of time, I'm making the note a lot shorter. A LOT shorter. And I can't decide how this will all effect Draco. He's supposed to be uncooperative at first but a changed man by the end of it, and really, I can't decide if the note would change that too much. I think it would. But at the same time, I really like the idea of the note. It would set a different tone to the whole thing. Make it kind of... God, I can't even think of the word. Just make it kind of odd. And uncomfortable. Haha.
Oh, well. As long as I get that one scene in, I'll be happy. Gods, I can't wait to write that scene. Aaaaahhhhhh. It will be sooo much fun.
And now that I'm done with my ranting....
|Mornings Eleven - The Magic Numbers|
I just choked on root beer and ended up spitting it all over my room.
What a shame. The last bottle of the best root beer and half of it is in my carpet. *Sigh*
That's right, I'm depressed about root beer.
And not because it almost killed me, but because I didn't get to drink all of it.
Anyway. I'm writing, or trying to write. And this first chapter is quite long. 7,704 words. And I still have one full scene and a bit of another to go. Maybe I need to work out a better way of dividing the chapters....
But I'm getting some pretty great ideas for this story. I won't say them, though. Not ideas for the plot, at least. I'm gonna try to find a song for the start of each chapter. I have a few in mind, but I can't find one for the first. I was thinking about using Teenagers by My Chemical Romance (weird, I know, but it fit well enough) but then I changed the tone and it didn't fit so well anymore, so I need to find something else.
Oh, but I have a title for it! I think. It may change, but at the moment, I'm calling it Harry Potter And The Dementor's Curse. I usually hate the 'Harry Potter and' names, but I like this one, and I'm trying to make it as canon as possible. I'm even sticking to Jo's versions of things.... For the most part.... *Glower*
I really wanna write about my ideas for the story itself, but this is where I'm gonna post it, and I really don't want to give anything away. Hmmm.... Maybe I'll rant on my MySpace. Make Max suffer a little.
No, I won't. I'll just keep these ideas in my head so I don't get sick of writing them. My head's like a refrigerator. Keeps the ideas from going bad.
Dammit. I wanna watch Charmed. Like, really badly. The episodes after Prue dies. Or that episode, because Leo cries. And Leo's too cute. Plus those episodes have Cole, and I love Cole. Heehee. I'm so hooked on that show....
Oh, so I went to take the test to get my learner's permit the other day, and I failed. By one question. Grrrr. I didn't even think to study the drugs and alcohol stuff because it's not like I'm gonna be doing any drugs and alcohol. Damn test had to give me questions about them. I'm supposed to take it again today, but I haven't studied since then, and I don't really want to. I don't care if I can drive. Not now, at least. I know I will once winter starts though....
OH! Jess and I are going to see Paris, Je'Taime today! YAY! I can't wait. I've been craving some Gaspard Ulliel lately. I know he's only in, like, five minutes of it, but still. It's supposed to be an amazing movie, anyway. I've been wanting to see it for a while. I was afraid it wasn't going to come to Alaska.
Mwahaha. I'm happy. I'm gonna go write. And I'm not gonna grumble about it! Yay!
Warning: this entry contains Deathly Hallows spoilers. Uh huh.
Gah. My eyes have gotten so fucked up lately.
I've been reading almost non-stop for the past... I dunno. Two weeks. Maybe more. I'm not paying attention. That's all fine, but I've been reading non-stop on the computer, which is hell on my eyes. And now, right now, I'm rotating between reading and writing. Again, fine, except the story I'm reading is set in white text with a black background and the story I'm writing in black text with a white background. Every time I switch, I have to spend at least a minute adjusting my eyes. It's kind of driving me nuts.
Oh, well. It's worth it. This story I'm reading is absolutely amazing. Hooray for flangst. I love it. It's so sad, and so cute! Aww. Poor Draco. And this story I'm writing... well, I'd just really like the finish the damn first chapter. First chapter and I'm on page 10. It's long. I'm gonna need to cut it back quite a bit. And I still have at least a scene and a half to go before I'm done with it. This is gonna take forever. *Sigh*
So I rode my bike to Freddy's today, and argh. Just, argh. There's always something wrong, isn't there? The chain is still slipping, although not as much as it was, I can deal with it, I just can't go very fast, which is fine with me considering bike rides are my excuse to get the fuck out of the house for a while. But now my front brake is rubbing and it actually came out of the thingy a couple times (yes, the thingy, I know all the lingo). I'm so sick of dealing with it. But oh well. School is starting soon, and with any luck, I won't have time to worry about my goddamn bicycle.
I discovered that I'm so much better at writing people's thoughts than I am conversations. I wish I were better at conversations, really, because I don't switch points of view in the middle of scenes. Things are so much more clear if you just stick with one point of view, but Gods, it's so much easier to write from alternating points of view. Grrrr. I guess I'll just have to practice dialogs.
That's why I suck at screenwriting and playwriting. I'm terrible with dialog, and that's pretty much all they are.
But I really can't wait until I get to some of the dialogs later. The arguments and such. Well, I guess they're more like fights. Heehee. I really can't wait. Violent dialogue is by far the most fun to write, followed by romantic dialog, and those scenes will be both violent and romantic. So I will have a lot of fun.
I wish I could write those scenes right now. I don't want to deal with the rest of the first chapter. Or the second. The second won't be so fun. The third might be kinda fun though. And then it's after that where things start to get really fun.
So, in my mind, Fred and George are the cutest things alive. Especially since George lost his ear. (I'm in denial that Fred is dead. He is not dead.) Seriously, cutest thing ever. George gets a fake ear (they said they couldn't grow the ear back, but hey, he can get a fake) and he's always fiddling with it. I can imagine him doing that. Like, really. And it's fucking adorable. Whether I'm imagining the Phelps twins or my own version of Fred and George, it's still cute.
Haha, and I realized just how true that Wal and Mash thing is. It kind of surprised me. I'll explain it. I was talking to Jaren on the phone, and I accidentally said "Wal and Mash" instead of "Mal and Wash" and it made me giggle. And Jaren said: "Wal and Mash: like Gred and Forge, only cooler." And that made me giggle more. Sure, they aren't twins, but they're absolutely ridiculous, they're smart, they're tricky, and they're too damn witty. And hey, Mal lost an ear, Wash died, it all works out. (And I'm also in denial about Wash being dead, so it works out even better.)
I need a life.
Okay, Imma go write now. *Grumble, grumble, gripe, bitch*
I don't know what this is. At four in the morning, after reading all day, my perceptions are a bit thrown. My eyes don't work right. Everything seems sideways. I went with it.
Not that reading all day wasn't totally worth it. I discovered some amazing stories today.
Also, I learned something today. Well, not really learned
. I'd known it all along. But I realized
today. One word can change the entire mood of a story. Saying "my" instead of "the" makes it seem so much less romantic. How can a two-letter word make such a huge difference?
Language, communication, writing, it all amazes me. One word. One letter. It's the whole world. It makes all the difference. It astonishes me.
But anyway. To the point.Title:
G (Hey, I wrote something G, finally!)Summary:
"I am sideways. Everything else is perfectly straight." 4AM musings.Origin:
Original work, not fanfiction.
So I just discovered the LJ Cut, hooray, and I decided to put it to good use. Here's a story-thing I wrote a while ago.Off-CenterPG-13, maybeAngry-ficOriginal work
And another story-thing.CrawlPG-13, maybeAngry-ficOriginal workPossible second part to Off-Center, but it could work on its own, too.
So I told Kane the truth.
I told him he's a wonderful guy and that any other time under any other circumstances, I would love to be with someone like him, but my heart was with someone else. I said that his being jealous of Cam and Jenny wasn't the real reason I wanted to take a break, or the reason I was ending the relationship before it began, but it really didn't help much. I told him that I would hate to lose him as a friend, and he could take as much time as he needed away from me to deal with it and I would still be waiting. I said he means a lot to me, and I understand if he has anything mean to say to me, I wouldn't hold it against him later.
All he said was he needs some time to be okay with this.
It's all going to be great.
|I Will Survive--Cake|
I couldn't do it.
I told myself I would, but I just couldn't.
Not then, at least.
She was there. I had it all prepared in my mind. She was there and I had every opportunity to say it, but I froze up.
She even asked. She asked me, and I avoided it. I pretended like it was no big deal, like it was just a crush, like it wasn't even worth talking about. I pretended like it wasn't her that I've been crazy about for well over six months.
It's just.... In the movie, she leaned her head on my shoulder, snuggled up real close, and this feeling ran through me.... It was like the feeling I got when she came online after I said I'd tell her who I liked. This was less intense, but I'm blaming the last one on the medication.
After that, after being that close to her, after having her head on my shoulder, I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk losing that. I just love being close to her, even if it isn't in that way. How can I put that in jeopardy?
I need to tell her. It's the only hope of... well, anything, really. Of getting her, of getting over her. Either way, I need to say it. She needs to know so I can finally let it go and get on with my life.
Why the fuck didn't I say it?